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Life is a never-ending sequence of intermediate stages

Before reading this, I must say that this is from the perspective of a person who was told they were a boy at birth. It will probably look different for someone who was told they were a girl. However I think it may be pretty similar in current times, given how society treats us all.

When I was born I was always told that life had around 8 stages:

Baby (0-2 years)

You are a baby, you stay at home and your parents and babysitter take care or you. You have no responsibilities but are constantly compared to other babies without your knowledge.

Pre-School (2-5 years)

You go to pre-school and start to meet other kids your age. You learn to talk, read and maybe even write. You start to learn how society works.

Elementary and Middle School (5-14 years)

You start to learn what you like what you don't like. You also start to internalize things that others say to you, mainly adults and the cool kids you hang out near. Your life doesn't depend on you, you are just there for the ride, for the expectations your parents and others made for you.

High School (15-18 years)

You start to question things around you, your body changes a bunch and everybody starts to take an extreme identity. You probably join a group of some sort, just to feel community, or maybe fail at it and you are alone most of the time as everybody else changes.

You start to notice some contradictions in what the adults say. Some things don't make sense to you, you are used to being told that "things are just like that", but are they really?

Supposedly these are the years you will miss the most, you need to enjoy them while you can. But how can you enjoy them when the next stage is so uncertain and you don't know what you'll do next? Better spend your limited time studying for a test or partying as hard as you can. Everyone expects a lot from you, and by "everyone" I mean you.

Young Adulthood (19-30 years)

Time to figure out what you are going to do the rest of your life. But whatever you do, you need to find a partner, a good job and a place to live that is not your parent's house. You don't need any of these, but you'll constantly be preassured and reminded on your progress on these 3 things.

You meet new people, you live adventures, you make memories... or maybe you don't. You don't know how the rest of your life is going to be. Maybe what you need to do right now is to become incredibly successful. And you know what success means: a partner, a good job and a house.

Mid Adulthood (31-50 years)

You have a stable job, a place to live and a partner. You start to have kids, who you see only on the weekends because of your job. You also need more money, a promotion, you need a bigger house for you bigger family.

The grind continues, get a better job, more money, a better life for your family. No time to spend with them, spending your days tired, looking for little escapes. Going to a bar every few months with your friends, going on vacation a couple of weeks a year.

Your kids grow fast in the meantime, they grow so fast, when was the last time you spent time with them? What about your friends? Is like you are constantly catching up with them now. What about yourself...? When was the last time you did something for yourself?

Late Adulthood (51-64 years)

Your kids become young adults, they start going on their own adventures and deciding what to do in life, just like you at their age. But you can't go with them, you have an important job now, and a lot of people depend on you.

Suddenly you find that you house is becoming too big for you. And as your kids stay less time with you, you start to realize how lonely you are becoming. You still go to work every day, maybe even on weekends, your job is very important after all. You feel you are falling behind.

Retirement (65 years-death)

You stop working. You find a smaller house for you and your partner. Yoy have too much time in your hands and don't know what to do with all of it.

Your friends start to die one by one, each time you regret not spending more time with them. Your body is getting sicker every day, and you are also getting more lonely. Your children are starting to have kids of their own, and they have little to no time to spend with you.

What do you do with all this time? What have you been doing all your life? Has it been worth it?

I don't think this is true

I currently am 27 years old, and that was my perception of what society has in store for me. I have a full time job, and have like 30 minutes of free time each day. I live alone on my 1 room, 1 bathroom apartment I rent for a decent prize.

And I'm just figuring out that life is not what I just described. We are told to sacrifice our physical and mental health every stage of the way. Just so one day we may retire and enjoy a sunset for once without any stress. Our happy ever after.

All of that are lies, and it feels so obvious now. For the longest time, I looked at the stages and said "I don't think that's for me. I'll find my own happy ever after." And after a couple of years I know that "Happy Ever Afters" don't exist in real life.

This blogpost if about how the "perfect life for us" doesn't exist in the real world. A stage of life where you would change absolutely nothing doesn't exist. You can't "find happiness" because it never existed to begin with.

And somehow, when I figured out that "happiness" doesn't exist I felt free. Life is just a sequence of intermediate stages, and if there's not an end goal, then I'm free to enjoy the present. I'm slowly getting rid of my mentality of "just a bit more and I won't have to bother about this". I'm not waiting to be happy anymore, I'm finding a way to be as happy as I can be right now.

I'm not enduring anything anymore. I quit DMing a dnd campaign I was constantly tired for. I'm not having lunch with my homophobic coworkers anymore. If someone is blasting music on a speaker on my bus ride home from work, I'm getting out of the bus, grabbing a bite to eat and then taking another bus home.

What I want to say is... don't endure unnecessary things in your day to day life. Don't spend time doing things that don't give you any value. If life is just a sequence of intermediate stages, make this intermediate stage the best it can be. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day ♥

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